i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Couch. On fire.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
