omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
