i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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