Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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