I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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