I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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