turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
