If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
