Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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