i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
