Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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