toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize