hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
