I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
