She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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