I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
