You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
