If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
