even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
