I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
