she sounds like chewbacca in bed
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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