sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
