I wish I could teleport
Too much gin, very little bucket
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm bleeding and have questions
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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