Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
why is half of my head shaved?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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