yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
