i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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