that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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