i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
