I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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