Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
