We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
