he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm passing your future prison.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
