Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
