and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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