Midget sex pt 2 tonight
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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