sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
