You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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