He kissed a someone with a penis
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
