when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
