I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
