Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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