Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
