Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
