Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
