the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize