We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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