i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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