i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
