I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
