Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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