see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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