I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
