The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
