Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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