u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
