I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
3 2 1 whiskey
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
