Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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