I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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