he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
