New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
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