this just has baby written all over it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
