Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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