were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
