remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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