why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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