She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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